Commiserate: Planning a Wedding

So, I fell off the blog writing wagon again.

I’ll ignore your expression of mock surprise…

At a time when I’m trying to grow and expand my business, get consistent on this blog, keep up to date with marketing best practices, and ensure I do a stellar job on projects for my existing clients, I don’t know why I thought adding ‘planning a wedding’ to my list of to-do’s was even remotely a good idea.

Planning a wedding is the worst thing you can do with your time…unless you’re a planner and getting paid for it.

When you get engaged, everyone who is already married will try to warn you about this. LISTEN TO THEM. (I’m sorry I didn’t listen Megan).

Weddings are so incredibly frustrating, and once you place the first deposit, it feels too damn late to turn back.

So, while this is a typical commiserate article to help you married folk wallow in your terrible life choices, it’s a PSA to hopefully help save a few naive souls.

Let’s get into it!


Questions and Expectations

Starting conversations with people you don’t that well is rough. So, when someone knows there’s a big event coming up in your life, like a wedding, it’s a natural starting point.


But as the person planning the wedding, this has turned into your waking nightmare. You don’t even want to see people you know anymore because it’s all anyone talks about, ALL the time.

You’ve been engaged for a year now, and there hasn’t been a single day where you haven’t been asked about the wedding. How is it possible to be so sick of something that hasn’t even happened yet?

The biggest problem is the damn expectations!

About 90% of people do the same thing: look at you with this grotesque, exaggerated smile and ask, ‘aren’t you so excited?!’

A pit forms in your stomach.

Yeah, you’re excited. Excited to get off of this merry-go-round from hell and never have to do this again.

But it’s not what they want to hear.

So you put on a fake smile, and talk about how great it will be, and then change the subject at the EARLIEST possible opportunity.


Growing out of Control

And maybe it would be exciting, if it was what you really wanted.

Your vision was a small gathering of no more than 50 people in a yard. But when one or both of you has a big family, the temptation to become a people pleaser, who doesn’t offend anyone, kicks into overdrive.

Now there’s a big venue, a big list, and so much more to do.

It’s like an elephant seal.

You start with this:
elephant seal pup

And it turns into this before you know it:

elephant seal

Making it Rain

Of course, all of those changes you make to accommodate everyone but yourself come at a price.

‘Budget?’ you say, ‘what budget? That was over long ago. We’re in free-fall now.’

You can’t help but mourn what you could have done with the money you’ve spent. You could go on trips, have luxurious dinners with your partner, buy cool new tech, save for a down payment….the list is endless.

But you have to live with the fact that you just made the worst financial decision of your life: thousands of dollars for a few hours and a few photos.

All you can do now is hope that day is frickin’ magical, and that you treasure each and every one of those photos for the rest of your life.

Otherwise, obsessing about what could have been will make you lose your mind.


Inefficiencies and the Paradox of Choice

So you soldier on. And you keep planning the event you wish was already over.

There are an absolutely incredible number of decisions to make. Ties and boutonnieres, bridesmaid dresses, napkins, centerpieces, venue, whether to get a DJ, ceremony music…don’t even think about the wedding dress.

Having choices seems like a good thing. You could do anything!

But when you make a choice out of too many possibilities, you inevitably start thinking about making the wrong decision.

And the time you spend trying to make the right choices takes WAY too much time. It’s how you end up spending 3 hours at a mall looking for the right ties to match the bridesmaid dresses, which already took 3 months of searching…


Judgement Day

When the day finally comes, everyone will pick apart every choice you made. The food, the venue, the decor, the attire, the cash bar….even though you already spent a king’s ransom throwing a free party that includes like 4 free drinks, but whatever.

It’s inevitable and slightly masochistic.

You spend a year smiling at the same questions on a daily basis, trying not to offend people, watching your invite list expand, watching your wallet wither, and losing your mind on an endless task list, just to see it all disappear in a matter of hours while your guests discuss how good or bad of a job you did.

You have to laugh to stop from crying.


Now I want to know what you think! Did you do a traditional wedding? Are you thinking about it? Did this post make you change your mind? Do you think I’m the most wrong anyone could be?

Throw your answers in the comments!

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